“….I became pregnant at the age of 17. I was not married or in any long term relationship. I was not sure of my options or if I had any. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t know who to tell. When I told who I thought the father was, he blew me off telling me that my pregnancy did not fit into his plans and neither did he have any money to help me. He did however feel it was in his best interest to let everyone else know of my pregnancy.
“When my family heard of my pregnancy, my sister came to my apartment door. I did not answer, yet stood on the other side of the closed door. As she spoke through the door she notified me that my parents wanted me to go away and have an abortion so I wouldn’t bring shame to our family. She told me that she would take me somewhere so my parents wouldn’t be involved. I stood silently listening as someone else determined the fate of my son. Finally, I agreed that I should at least go and have a pregnancy test to confirm what I already knew in my heart.
“I remember sitting across from a woman at a desk at Planned Parenthood. She told me how far along I was. When I tried to tell her that had to be impossible, she cut me off. She made me think that there was no way I could know, because she was the professional and I was a stupid 17-year-old kid. I really didn’t get a chance to say anything….According to what I had been told by the ‘professional’ I would have been about 12 weeks along at the time of the procedure. I wasn’t given much information in regards to the course of action.
“….After the procedure, the nurse looked at me and said, as if she was telling me about the weather, ‘By the way, you were 22 ½ weeks long; we couldn’t have done this if we would have waited any longer.’ She walked out of the room and turned off the light. I lay there on that cold table in the dark contemplating what was just said to me.
“That meant that who I thought was the father wasn’t. I was devastated. I thought that Michael’s father wanted nothing to do with him, but that wasn’t the case because I had told the wrong man. I had to lie on that table in the dark for several hours waiting for my sister to pick me up. I felt victimized. They had lied to me. They had known the entire time how far along I was. I had the first of years of nightmares in that room on that table. I cannot describe to you the guilt and shame I dealt with for years in regards to this one decision. ….I carried unforgiveness toward myself, my family, and the other people involved even longer. I also believed that this was the one thing God could not forgive….
“We are told that women should have the right to choose, I was not given a choice. I was led to believe that this was the only choice I had to make…..Women should be told how the decision of abortion could affect them physically, emotionally and spiritually….”
“My life has been devastated by abortion. I have had three abortions because I didn’t think I had any other choices.
“My first abortion was done in Madison, Wisconsin. I was 17 years young and my boyfriend told me if I didn’t have the abortion that he would leave me. I thought I loved him, and I knew I could not have a baby without his help and support. So I did what I was told and went through with the abortion.
“When going in for my abortion I was told by the ‘professionals’ that it was only a blob of tissue, and it would be safer and easier to abort than to carry my baby to term. I would later find out this was a lie.
“I remember laying on the cold table with no anesthetic for the pain, staring at the ceiling, wishing I were someplace else. It seemed to last forever and the pain was unbearable. No amount of anesthetic could dull the pain in my heart and mind. The type of abortion I had was the vacuum aspirator method. I could hear by the increased labor of the suction machine what part or limb of my baby was being extracted. Each time I tried to look at the jar with my baby’s remains they would push me back down. To this day I still hear that haunting suction sound.
“When it was finished I was sent to a waiting room with the other girls. I was given a cup of juice and told I could leave in 20 minutes if I felt alright. I had never felt worse but I told them I felt fine because I just wanted to be out of there.
“A part of me died that day as I realized I would never hold or see that child. I became angry and depressed. I started drinking heavily, doing drugs, and became very promiscuous. I didn’t think anyone would love me unless I gave them sex in return. I got pregnant two more times and chose abortion each time…
“I later met and married a wonderful man. After trying to start a family with no success, we learned I was infertile because of the abortions. The suction from the vacuum aspirator destroyed my tubes and ovaries…
“Everyday I live with the reality that the only children I will ever bear I killed….”
“When I was 14 years old I was sexually assaulted by my 18-year-old boyfriend. I lived in an abusive house and was scared to tell anyone what had happened, but two months after the attack I thought that I was pregnant. At 14 years old I didn’t know what to do with my situation so I went to one of my older friends. She told me I couldn’t raise a child when I was 14 and that my family couldn’t handle another child. She told me that my boyfriend had done something really wrong, and though all of those things were true she told me a lot of things that weren’t true, as well. She told me that, although it was normally wrong, since it hadn’t been my choice to get pregnant it was okay for me to get an abortion, and since I lived in an abusive home without a lot of money to raise another child, the best thing for me to do was to have an abortion. She called the local abortion facility and ‘worked it out’ with them so I could kill my child. I knew it was wrong and I wanted to say no but I couldn’t think of a reason. I couldn’t think of what I would tell her. I couldn’t think of a way to raise my child or to tell my family what had happened to me. To me an abortion wasn’t a choice, but something I was forced into by my unfortunate situation. The day before my appointment I found out I wasn’t pregnant. My friend was relieved and told me that my problem was taken care of. She didn’t understand that my child wasn’t my problem. I didn’t know where to turn after that. My family was still abusive; I couldn’t expect them to be there for me. I had still been assaulted. I was still 14 years old and scared. And now, now I was angry at myself because I had been planning on killing my child. I am pro-life because girls like me need to be protected from the violence of abortion. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about the child I would have killed and the nurse that promised not to tell anyone about my assault. Those girls who have been raped or abused do not need abortion to cover up this abuse. The abortion facility that agreed to cover up my assault did not care about my well-being. They were so wrapped up with the idea that I ‘needed’ an abortion that they forgot to care about who I was and what would really help me. I am pro-life because there are two victims of abortion, and both of them need to be protected.”
- Eileen, 18